I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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