I'm jealous of your bromance
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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