I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
