I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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