I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
