i jhust puked up my retainher.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
