The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
