Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
