The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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