then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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