I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
someone threw a dead crab at me
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
