Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
