I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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