Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
