Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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