ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
