Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
