It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
