God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
