my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
