well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
