I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
