I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
