She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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