while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
