i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
