found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
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Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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