the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just blew my weed a kiss
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
