I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
