New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
