had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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