You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
