dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
