CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
this boner is exhausting
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
