Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
We got so high we made milksteak
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Everclear isn't food dammit
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
