There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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