What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
