So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
