The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
