i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
