you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
