she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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