i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
