i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Randomize
