Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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