Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It's just like the Real World with babies
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
