I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
