Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
