TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
