i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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