if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
