he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
