i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
