We named our party play list daddy issues
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
