Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize