I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
