yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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