I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
