Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
