Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
