yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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