remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
