I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
