you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
