Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
