How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
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We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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