Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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