3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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